Category Archives: Random

by

indigo WinDs 

indigo WinDs 
by Jess Swinburne 


indigo WinDs
 RUn trailing fingers
 through my
 unTAMED silk
 mAne
scarleT fire
 dances in my sOUL
 leading waRmth
 to my deepthless
 cold
silver secrets
 Fill My Eyes
 with unCONTROLlable
 inconceivable, riVeting
 deLIGHT
violet earth 
 heals my Scars
 hidden dEEp
 inside, fAR from
 sight
golden LOVE
 wraps ME
 tight, as YOU
 unfailingly, hold ME
 TOGETHER
 protection, from THE
 harsh CUTS
 of the WORLD
© Jessica Swinburne 2011
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“Normal”

In this day and age, no one, and I mean no one, wants to be normal. And that’s okay, but what happens when you’re so against being like anyone else, that you stop being your self? What happens when you start doing things, especially when they involves your body [ piecings, tattoos, ect. ect. ], for yourself, and start doing them to purposefully change yourself?

So what’s the limit? Wheres the line? Dying your hair? Getting a lip ring? Piercing your tongue? Painting your nails black and showing off all kinds of body parts no one really wants to see in public? We all have to set our own limits, but we have to remember who we really are. Even if that person ends up being like normal.

If you’re whacky and insane all by your self, be whacky and insane, don’t let others opinions get to you. But if you’re happy, freindly and polite, don’t purpossfully make yourself sassy and sarcastic, so that popular boy likes you.

We need to be ourselves! No one is going to respect someone who is someone one day, then another the next, life would become miserable!

If you are good enough for youself, you don’t really need anyone else, but if you love yourself, others will love you too.

by

**While The World Is Crashing Down** [ Part 7 ] ^^I’ll Teach You to Fly On Hidden Wings…^^

© Jessica Swinburne 2011

[ Part 1 ]
[ Part 2 ]
[ Part 3 ]
[ Part 4 ]
[ Part 5 ]
[ Part 6 ]

AN: Um… Hi? : D

School finished later that week and the first week of holidays was gone by the time the sun came back.
I had generally good marks so my Dad just grunted when I gave him my report. He also didn’t have to be around to enforce any punishment as was a frequent occurrence the first year or so after Mom died, so I was home alone a lot, so I got to ride and play with my horses a lot.
When I wasn’t home by myself, I was either with Cya, Seth or Rain, or some combination thereof. Rain and I hadn’t been alone once yet though. Cya and Seth were always there, which I didn’t really mind, as I was trying to both decide what I kept seeing when I looked at Rain, never mind what I kept feeling, both of which confused me to no end.
I was brushing one of my horses, StormFire, when my phone went off. I didn’t bother checking the caller ID, I just answered.
“Hello?” I said, trying to sound as bored as possible.
“Come to movies with us? We’re bored?” A voice pleaded on the other end of the phone.
“Hi Cy… what we gonna watch love?” I pressed the phone between my shoulder and ear and carried on brushing Fire.
“It doesn’t matter, I just want out of Seth’s stuffy house. Rain’s coming now, then we can pick you up?” I laughed. Clearly I hadn’t ever really had a choice in the matter.
“Hmmm… Okay, see you in twenty?” She squealed in excitement.
“Yay yay yay yay-”
“Cy, chill, I’ll see you soon, bye.”
“Bye!” I laughed; ending the called and putting the phone back into the back pocket of my pants, and quickly finish what I was doing.
I got back to the house and pealed my sticky clothes off and showered quickly, in relatively cold water, because it’s like 40 degrees out and even hotter in the stables.
The cold water felt good against my skin, washing the dirt of the day away, making it all clean and new. I turned the water off after a good 15 minutes and ran a comb through my wet hair quickly.
I threw on the coolest clothes I could find in my closet, run an eye-liner pencil over my eyelids and shoved a hoddy into my bag for when it got cold in the movie theatre.
They rang the bell for the gate and I pressed the button to open it. I grabbed my wallet with my money and credit card in, and tossed that and my phone into my bag.
I got downstairs just as they pulled up next to the house, so I set the alarm, locked the house and jogged toward the car.
I pulled the back door open and flopped down onto the seat.
“Hey love!” Was Cya’s enthusiastic greeting from the front passenger seat. We were in Seth’s car, in case you were wondering.
“Hi ange.” I told Cya in way of saying hello, kissed Seth on the check and hugged Rain, regardless of the fact that I knew he didn’t like it, and he only let me do it. It made me feel all nice inside. Weird, right?
“Can we play music?” I asked, pocking my head into the front half of the car.
“Sure,” Seth smiled at me, as he manoeuvred out of the drive. “What you want on?”
“Anything.” I didn’t really dislike most music.
“Okay, I’m just gonna set my iPod to shuffle then, okay?”
“Sounds good to me.” Year 3000 by Busted filled the car as we reached the gate and I opened it with my remote.
I opened the window and leaned back on the door, with my feet slang over Rain and Rain’s arm over my legs.
It was little things that had changed since the day in the Gardens. He sat next to me, he stood next to me, he smiled at me and let me hug him and put various parts of myself on his lap. The only thing I hadn’t done was actually sit on his lap.
He leaned his head on the window and looked over at me. He smiled a coy little smile at me, which never failed to make me grin.
His smile faded into a hint of itself, just to tease me, and we looked at each other for a solid 3 minutes.
He broke contact and bent down to get something out his bag, and twisting my ankle toward him, started drawing on it. What he got from his bag being a pen.
He liked drawing on me, was something else I had discovered. Cya asked him to draw on her sometimes too, but he just wasn’t comfortable touching some people, so he didn’t really want too, but being him, he did.
He did seem to like Cya but it was only as a friend, and he didn’t like it when she flirted with him, I thought it was quiet funny actually.
Rain finally released my ankle about two minutes before we reached the theatre, and I brought my legs back toward me to see what he had drawn. On my ankle sat a perfect little butterfly ready to take flight.
I looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks.” I mouthed it because he wouldn’t have been able to hear me over the music anyway.
“Anytime,” came his reply.
Seth pulled the car into a parking lot of the mall, and killed the engine. He unplugged his iPod, cutting the music off mid-song and stuck that and his phone into his pockets. Cy hopped out and reached back in for her bag and then slammed the door shut, while I opened my own door and put my legs on the tarmac. Before I got out I turned and gave Rain one last smile before I too got out and closed my car door.
I slang my bag over my shoulder and yanked Cya into a hug, which she happily returned.
We let each other go but grasped hands and started walking toward the entrance with the boys trailing us.
Cya started talking about some boy she had her eye on, and I replied with all the enthusiasm required of a best friend when it came to boys.
When never stopped to wait for the guys, and they never bothered catching up, so Cy and I were discussing whether it was worth shaking in our seats from the suspense that a horror would bring about or we needed the good laugh that romance/comedy was sure to produce.
“Anything but romance,” Rain commented as he came to a stop next to us, where we were standing contemplating the movie posters.
“Why?” Cya asked, blinking three times in a row to look confused.
“Romances are sappy.”
“Not always.” I put in, without looking at the movie posters.
“They are in the movies.” Now I looked at him, and let a half smile over-come my face.
“Yeah, they are, huh?” I laughed and shook my head, turning back to the posters.
I noticed that Seth had come to stand next to Cya. I glanced at Rain, and briefly wondered if he was jealous that I always seemed to be next to Rain now. I demised the idea as irrational; Seth had never had an issue with my boyfriend or the attention I gave them before. He knew he would always be my best friend.
“Romance is over-rated anyway,” I said, rather cynically.
He didn’t reply.
“I wanna watch thaaaaat one!” Cya said, about two decibels too high, pointing at a movie poster.
“That one it is then,” I said, giving no one else the option.
I grabbed Cya’s hand and dragged her into the ticket line, and we brought four tickets for the soonest show for the movie Cya wanted to watch. On the up side, because the cinemas were in the middle of movies, there were only very short lines. On the down side, we had an hour to kill till our movie came on.
“Should we get something to eat?” Seth suggested, looking around the cinema hub, looking for something interesting to do that we hadn’t already done before.
Rain, on the other hand, was looking around like a five-year-old who was seeing the sea for the first time. Well at least I only saw the sea for the first time when I was five. The nearest beach was a four hour drive away, and we only seemed to go there every school holiday. My Dad owns a house down at the coast, which he brought the year I was eleven. My Mom and Dad and I used to go, but since my Mom died, Dad hadn’t been back.
Although he had wanted to sell it, I had begged him to keep it. It was such a part of my Mom. I didn’t want to give it up, even though it was still painful to go there sometimes. So Seth and I went two years after my Mom died, and had been ever since.
That’s where we meet Cya for the first time. Imagine our surprise when she turned up at our school three days later.
And we had all been going there during the holidays ever since. The amount of time and point of time that we went for varied. But we always went.
“Yes!” Cya squealed, and I covered the ear that was closest to her.
“You two go eat; I think Rain wants the tour.” He raised his eye-brows at me. “Unless you don’t…?”
“I do!” He said quickly.
“Later, behave you guys, don’t do anything I would.” I winked and grinned at Seth and set off at trot with Rain following, slowing after about a dozen steps.
“Rain…”
“Ri…” He had called me Ariah for about two days, until I death glared it out of him.
“Who was your first girlfriend?” He walked with slow deliberate steps, and I skipped in front of him mostly.
“This gothic chick named Lianne. Totally selfish cow. Dated me to make one of my friend’s jealous.”
“Bi…” I started to call her a long list of lured and un-lady-like names before I remembered my no swearing rule.
Rain laughed and a grin broke out over his face, “It’s okay, that was like, the 5th grade.”
“Still.”
He grabbed my hand then, and pulled me so I was walking next to him. I let him.

by

Sleep

It’s midnight!! And I’m still awake and writing at midnight, why? Because I’m totally out of my mind? But we knew that already.
So why do we sleep?
Because we’re tired?
Because our bodies force us?
Because we want an escape?
Who honestly wants to deal with all our problems all the time? We’ll go insane!! But then I already am. It is midnight, after all.
I love sleep. It’s so nice to just close your eyes and forget the world sometimes. But parties seem to work in that respect to. Like I didn’t worry about my crazy life once tonight while I was at my friend’s party. And now I’m sitting on her bed, on her laptop, listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks. At midnight :D .
In conclusion?
Sleep is good for more than just fixing our bodies after we exhausting ourselves and black is a cool colour. ;)

I’m out.
Chaos :)

by

**While The World Is Crashing Down** [ Part 4 ] ^^I’ll Teach You to Fly On Hidden Wings…^^

© Jessica Swinburne 2011

[ Characters ]
[ Part 1 ]
[ Part 2 ]
[ Part 3 ]

[{ Part 4 }]

We had seen Cya sucking face with her latest boyfriend a little after Seth had gotten to school, and as was protocol had left her be.
She bounded up to me after 1st period, and knew something was off when she hugged me, but, bless her; she had let it be, and started chattering on about something inconsequential so I didn’t have to listen.
Cya’s cool that way, she has subjects that when she talks about them she needs my attention, and subjects that she keeps in reserve for when I don’t want to talk, or listen.
I didn’t talk about my Mom, I just didn’t. It was just too painful. Ever since she died, there had been a part of me missing. My father didn’t fill it, not that he was around enough to help even if it did. She had just been such a huge part of me. She still was. I kept expecting her to barrel into my room in the morning and hug me awake, and badger me to make her cookies in the afternoon.
But she was gone; she would never wake me up in the mornings again, or nag me about anything ever again. I missed all of her, and talking about it hurt, so after the first two week I simply refused to talk about her death, eventually I could talk about her, as long as it wasn’t anything to do with how she died, or a few weeks before or after she died.
Cya knew it, Seth knew it, and now Rain would know it too. I knew Seth would tell him not to bring it up again. And I seriously doubted I would. But then, what happened this morning?
Was I going insane? No, I was already insane, had been for years. Cya reminded me every opportunity she got.
We arrived at our class room, and walked all the way to the back of the room, before sitting down next to each other.
It was math now, not my favourite subject, but I was pretty good at it, so it wasn’t that bad. Plus the teacher was hilarious, it’s always better when your teacher is awesome.
“Ri,” Cya dramatically tossed her hair over her shoulder, “are you going to come to this party on Saturday?”
“Yeah, why ange?” I looked over at her quizzically.
“I was wondering if I could stay over at your place afterward.” She asked hopefully.
“As long as there isn’t a boy coming home with us too.” I grinned at her, so she knew I was teasing. Cya dated a lot of boys, and really like a good make out session, but she wasn’t actually a slut by any means.
“That won’t be a problem.” As she finished her sentence, her face lit up and she grabbed my hand and shook me, “We should totally invite Rain! I mean we got invited before he got here, but Ashley won’t mind!” Ashley was the girl whose party it was.
“No, she won’t.” I had to admit, the party looked all the more fun with Rain there. I liked to party, but I didn’t drink so it was a bit hard to really get into it, unless I made an effort. “We’ll ask him after school.”
Cya smiled and did a little jig in her chair. I laughed at her and turned back to the front as the teacher came in.
The day went on, I saw Rain at lunch, and during break. We didn’t bring up what happened that morning.
The last two lessons of the day were always my favourite. Also the ones where they haven’t been making us do anything.
Science, then English last. Science was fun even when we were working, because my science teacher was also an awesome teacher, and he did fun things with us. But English was my real passion. I loved reading, and poetry intrigued me to no end. I worked hard, and I was naturally good at it, and that’s how I got into the advanced class, with the good Seniors.
How anyone managed this was that you get really good marks, you take a few classes at the local collage and you take a really hard test, if you pass, you’ve graduated High School English and you go to Advanced English.
There were only about 15 kids in the class, and we didn’t get new additions often.
Which is why I almost fell out my chair when Rain walked in.
I quickly leaned over to the girl who was sitting next to me, [the desks are attached in pairs] and asked if she could sit somewhere else, so a friend could sit next to me. She complied, with a smile too.
Rain raised an eye-brow in question and I beckoned him over to sit with me. He sat and dropped his bag to the floor with a ‘thump’.
“They discovered that my old High School had a program like this, and that I was it that one, so they decided I should be in this one too.” He explained.
“I didn’t say a thing.” I said with a quiet undertone of humour.
“You thought, ‘What the heck is he doing here?’” He smirked when he said it though.
“I did, did I?”
“Yes, yes you did.” It was a nice smirk.
“So, you’re a clever boy, huh?” I grinned, and turned toward the front, but continued the conversation.
“A clever boy? Well, no, but I do seem to be good at English.” He said getting something out his bag.
“An artist… and a writer too?” I questioned. Sometimes, at our houses, during break, and class too [so says Seth] Rain draws… like really draws. Beautifully.
“Not a writer, but I do like to think I’m an artist.”
“Well, I haven’t seen a lot of your stuff, but what I have seen is…” I whistled and shook my head, “Beyond brilliant.”
“Thanks…” He flushed, embarrassed.
“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s true.”
He smiled at me.
“Will you draw me something?” I smiled sweetly, but genuinely, at him.
“What do you want me to draw?”
“What can you draw? Or would an easier question to answer be what can’t you draw?” I asked with a raised eye-brow.
“Not to sound cocky, but I like to think I can draw anything. If I can’t draw something, I practice until I can.” I grinned. A true artist right here.
“Rain… draw me rain.” I smiled uncertainly at, wondering if he would take it the wrong way. Then I quickly added, “Please.”
“Rain…?” He seemed to be asking if I wanted him to draw him, or actual rain.
“Rain, as in water falling from the heavens.” I explained with a quiet chuckle.
“Oh, okay I can do that… What kind of rain?” He questioned further.
“Any type,” I shook my head, as if trying to clear it, “Any type at all.”
He nodded, and the teacher walk in, not that would have stopped anyone talking, not at this time in the year, but he took out his sketch pad. This affectively ended the conversation.
I took out a note book and doodled, until the end of the lesson.
When the bell rung, Rain looked up and around, seemingly wondering where the time went. I stood, put my stuff away, and waited.
“You’re waiting for me?” He asked, looking stunned.
“Yeah, why not?” He just shook his and shoved his sketch book into his bag.
I skipped out and Rain followed with a perplexed expression on his face.
I walked slowing, after I stopped skipping, finding no reason to rush.
“Ri.” I turned. Rain had stopped walking. “Take it.”
He had taken a piece of paper out of his bag. I took it and saw what I assumed was what he drew for me in class. It was a girl, with long hair whipping around her face, looking out at an endless cascade of a crazy storm.
I looked up into his eyes. They had turned light green; like they did when he let his barriers slip. Like he was feeling some intense, confusing emotion.
Then he walked past me and was already all the way to the stairwell when “Wow…” finally slipped out my mouth.

by

Darkness

I made the saying up, so that’s mine, but the picture I got from the internet. I made the graphic in photoshop. I made like 30 different versions, but I deleted some accidently, and I’m not posting all the ones that I still have, so these are the first one I made, and my two favourites.

Number 1!

3rd Fav!

2nd!

1st!

This is almost like the previous one, but I like it too... soo... anyway. ;)

by

Friends

It’s so easy to make a friend. A simple hello. A smile in the hallway. A wave across a room.

But when you’re doing all that, you never really rationalize how much it’s gonna hurt to lose that friend. They never tell you that the bad times may out weigh the good when it all comes down to it, or that making up after the fights may not be worth it. They don’t say that when you feel that friend slip through your fingers, or you watch them turn their back, that the break in your heart will leave a permanent scar.

But when you’re crying all alone in that dark corner of where ever, promising that you’ll never put so much of yourself into a relationship, that the next day, or the next week, or next mouth that you’ll still wave and smile at that shy girl or guy that is always by themselves. And you’ll befriend that person and tell them some of your deep dark secrets, and maybe they won’t be you’re very best friend, but you’ll trust that person, because they don’t want all of you, and all your attention, and they don’t take and take and not give back.

And hey, nobody’s perfect, we’re all going to get hurt sometime, thats life. Hurt and pain are part of life. So when we accept that, that’s when we’ll start to hurt less and less.

It will fade, the scar won’t ache so much any more, and that friend you think is slipping through your fingers will cling as hard as you’ve been trying to hold on. Or maybe that friend will slip away too, but another will come to take that ones place.

So love unconditionally anyway, and be yourself, because you really don’t want your friends to wake up one day and realize they don’t really know you at all.

xX
Chaos